then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize