i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
