I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
