He passed out mid-signature
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
