I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
