i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize