I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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