so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
