He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
