Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
