I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
