I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
