I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
