Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
