Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
BRING THE BAGELS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
