even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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