can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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