Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
