i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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