Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
