Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i think i just lost a toe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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