so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
