I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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