Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
