I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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