yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
