Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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