I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
