At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
