I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
