They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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