I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
