Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Two words: nipple clamps
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