I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
