So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
