and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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