Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
