So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
