Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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