Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
