my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
