He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You need Xanax blowdarts
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
