One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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