Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
