I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
