I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
