The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
