So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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