Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
