The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
