My first STD was from a foam party
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
