I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
