Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
