i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
