Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
