you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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