Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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