Sponge bath it is.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
