and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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