Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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