You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.