Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something