chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need to stop coming to work sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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