Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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