His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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