Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
