if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize