Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
