even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
