Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
