Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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