is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
