I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
