A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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