I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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