Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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