I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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