I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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