Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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