you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
