No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
