I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
