apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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