WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
