I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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