i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
