I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
