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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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• (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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• (562): View more from California

  I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.

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