3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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